He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
