You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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