Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize