and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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