I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
