Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Mom said you looked used
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
