he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
