The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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