Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
