I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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