I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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