There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
