no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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