I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
