mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
