just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
