I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize