i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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