My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize