So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
