you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
