he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize