Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How external is "for external use only"?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
