3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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