New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
