So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
