Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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