you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
