His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
