if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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