She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
