I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
