I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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