If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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