We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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