We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
