my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
