I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
