Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
