yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
