would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I stole a fireplace last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
