The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
