When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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