i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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