Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize