Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
