she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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