I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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