his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
