i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
