So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
