There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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