Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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