I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
