now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's always time for handjobs
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
