When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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