halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
