I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
