I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
