I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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