He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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