You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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