If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
love makes seman taste better
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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